Health Food and Ho Hos

Today when I was at the grocery store I noticed something odd. (NOTE: many of my stories are centered around a grocery store and I don't know why. Just know this for future reference.) I was doing my regular shopping at Woodman's when I pull into the frozen foods section. It is located on the far left side of the store and I pulled into the back part of this section. I noticed that they had added a health food section. I thought, "Heh, that's typical." It was not all that exciting but it did inspire me to get a gardenburger.

But I digress. The interesting part was that right before you enter the health food section, there is a little island of goodies. They have a stand that is about four feet long and two feet wide. On this island there are cupcakes and ding dongs and cookies and snack cakes and, of course, Ho Ho's. Now an island like this one would be fine anywhere else in the store, but to put it right in front of the health food section is absurd. When they redesigned and then stocked they area, what did were they thinking when they put the island there? Well, I think the conversation would sound something like this...

Grocer #1: Well, we got that finished. Phew!
Grocer #2: Wow, that was a lot of work.
Grocer #1: Hey, you think that we should move this island of Ho Ho's and Ding Dong's?
Grocer #2: You mean do more work? Nah, we'll just leave it. This is what Mr. Manager said we should do and no one will notice it anyway.
Grocer #1: You're right. Alright, now we're supposed to move the vegetarian section away from the frozen meats.

As you can see, these men are not too smart. It amazes me how little people think. I wish they could take three steps back and see what is going on. People could solve these major problems of life with just a little bit of thought. That's all I ask for. Small thoughts and swift action. Is that too much?

Later this week someone who has lost 30 pounds on their diet will be on their way to check out the new health food section at Woodman's when they will see the island. They don't want to see the island, but they do. And then they go to the island and get stranded and eat all of the Ding Dong's and Ho Ho's. By the time they are finished they are too fat to move so they get arrested for shoplifting. Then they can't post bail because they spent all their money on the Juiceman Juicer©. So they end up in jail, rotting away. All this because someone didn't move the island of Ho Ho's.


Matt Jacobs
April 24th