September 9, 2020
It's incredibly tiring to not hate yourself. It requires a constant vigilance, one eye always focused inward, which is unfortunately where all that awful shit that you don't want to see is. When you hate yourself, you're seeing you without having to cross your eyes. You don't have to follow each thread of each thought and tack on some half-assed justification for why you're really not so bad, or dig around in yourself to forgive, which anyone who has tried it knows is an enormous expenditure and usually never complete and not the trouble it's worth.
"Canada, O Canada, I've never been your son. / Canada, O Canada, I've always been your son." -That's Efrim