it's been a while since i've last written on this
i don't really have a good reason as to why.
sometimes i just forget things
and then one day,
i remember something from the past
and want to do it so bad.
sometimes it hurts to remember things
and sometimes it's amazing.
life surely can be confusing,
but sometimes, it's like i just don't care.
and when i'm too tired to think,
it's almost bliss.
and then the day dissolves into nothing,
only to be remembered far in the future.
in a way,
things are just fine.
i'm going off to college,
i should be there with a smile on my face,
but instead, i suppose this summer
has turned into a depressing one.
full of mental pain.
but once again, in a way,
things are just fine.
i have dealt with this type of pain
my entire life,
and at this point,
i dont need to care.
i am past caring because
my brain constantly feeds me stress
but i just shrug it off.
i don't want to say
im better now
i just want to say
something worked.
i fucking graduated and
after the 6 months in treatment centers
they tried so hard to rip my life from me
but i stole it back
i don't know what posessed me
but i have never done so much with my life this year.
after treatment, i gave up on the people who i trusted so much
i quit the therapists
the long arguments
the people who made me feel like nothing
and most of all,
utah.
i read the book, "the institute"
when i was younger.
i loved it so much
and when i felt like the book
had become my life
i stopped giving a fuck.
but not about myself, as i told you.
once i dropped the therapists
who constantly told me i was the reason
my family was broken
and that told me i was doing everything wrong
and that i was going to die,
i freed myself.
i finally had the balls
to make friends
and build something i cared about.
ever since i've gotten out of those places,
i think i faced the reality
that the world really isn't a good place to live.
so i've tried to make it good as best i can
and i guess i'm glad there are people
who are happy to have known me.
i don't know their names,
but i guess it's something.
if that someone is you,
thanks
because you probably had a bigger effect
than me.
and i dont know what the
future holds, but i'm sure
that i'll still keep coming back here.
so thank you
for reading or skimming.
and cheers,
here's to your future, too.
may it be interesting and long-lasting.
and here's to everyone and everything, really.
i wonder what we'll accomplish together.
