Oglaf


The more you say 'epic' the less it means

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The individual *can* be divided.  But it's not pretty.

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Many parts of my body are still virgins.

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People who choose not to stay at home and masturbate constantly -
what's with them?

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Is there a difference between 'dick jokes' and 'jokes featuring
dicks?'

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Balancing hope for a better world against the desire to fuck
everything.

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The internet - like a training camp for never amounting to anything.

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Sperm count down but sperm size up.  I think they've been eating each
other.

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I feel part responsible for the mess you made in my pants.

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Sooner or later we're going to have to stop calling them 'novels.'

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Anything more than 500 years old - probably evil.

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Highball glasses - why are they called that?

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More griping from the disenchanted forest.

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When a song mentions 'arms' I like to shout 'vagina.'

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The penis: if it's not evil, why did they get H.R. Giger to design it?

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You'd be surprised how many penises there are in 'lost property.'

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Making man-pesto with the meat pestle

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I've stooped so low I can't reach your tits.

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Tasteful, moody portraits of cocks with googly eyes.

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All models are over 18.  Or over 21 where required by law.

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Some day, this very moment might feature in a flashback.

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'Hot' as a synonym for 'sexy' is less common from people who've been
on fire.

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Technically, you never *stop* touching yourself.

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Compare pornography now to 50 years ago, then extrapolate 50 years
into the future. ... that shit's nasty.

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Careful where you point that.

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Show us your pink bits.  Not that I'm racist.

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Not from round here, depending on how big 'round' is.

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You've got that look in your eye.  But then I'd hardly expect to see
it in your mouth.

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DIY for those without tools.

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Don't punish me for loving you.  That's the court's job.

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I think 'erotica' just means 'porn that works for me.'

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Think of it as juicing an ugly fruit.

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"Don't forget the message."  ... uh, no, wait.  That wasn't the
message.

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To all the girls I've loved before, and the boys I loved after.

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Looking for a God that won't discriminate by creed.

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Am I too anal about sex?

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No way will I give peace a chance.  Not after how it left the place
last time.

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I was an angry loner before it was popular.

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I'm not saying you read too many webcomics.  Just that it's possible
to.

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Some days, your cock just seems to stare at you.

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Recumbent yet erect.

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Educational in ways you can't use.  Just like trigonometry.

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Love conquers anything.  Up to a point.

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Presumably Spiderman's semen is very sticky indeed.

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Celebrating those happy moments when the penis is an internal organ.

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The mustard burns a bit, but it accentuates my resemblance to ham.

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Cumsprite!

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It's not really escapism, is it?  It's like day leave at best.

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Whatever you look at while you masturbate is porn.  The bedroom
ceiling, for instance.

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Don't fear God's love.  He hasn't gotten anyone pregnant in 2000
years.

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I've still got plenty of ribs, God.  Make more women!

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Ships get called 'she.'  But I bet torpedoes don't.

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I have a secret.  A dark, furry secret with big teeth.  Less a secret,
really - more a bear.

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I don't mean to disrespect the dead, but if alive, that guy's a cunt.

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