Keep Grinding

The Lolcow Pen

Types of Cows

• A Lolcow can be repeatedly milked for laughter at its expense.
• An Artcow creates laughably terrible pictures.
• A Careercow keeps a job it is awful at.
• A Dramacow causes controversy.
• A Schizocow is just plain crazy!
• A Horrorcow is undebatably evil, yet is somehow funny.
• A Cultcow requires extensive research to be hysterical.

The Cows Themselves

Dig Deeper/Diggy

• Type: Schizocow
• Milkable Parts: poor reading comprehension, contradictory statements
• Frequents: the web in general
• See it in action

Froge

• Type: Horrorcow
• Milkable Parts: lack of research, missing the points of the shows it watches, blatant attraction to minors
• Frequents: Neocities
• See it in action

Joshua Connor Moon / Null

• Type: Careercow
• Milkable Parts: attacking its site's members for petty reasons, lack of research, database mismanagement, FAT
• Frequents: Kiwi Farms and Telegram
• See it in action

LS Mark / Splash Dash

• Type: Dramacow
• Milkable Parts: lack of research, slandering Mr. Enter, defaming and stalking Butch Hartman, trying to marry a cheater, outsourcing housework to said cheater, missing the points of the shows it watches and the games it plays, frivolous spending, FAT
• Frequents: YouTube and Twitter
• See it in action

Lady Decade

• Type: Careercow
• Milkable Parts: clickbait titles and thumbnails, frivolous spending
• Frequents: YouTube
• See it in action

Lady Lunanova and __calcium

• Type: Horrorcows
• Milkable Part: creating transgender transformation fetish mods of underage characters when the series already has playable female characters
• Frequent: GameBanana and Twitter
• See them in action, but turn images off unless you want to faint instantly

Luke Smith

• Type: Schizocow
• Milkable Parts: poor reading comprehension, petty racism, clickbait titles and thumbnails
• Frequents: YouTube
• See it in action

MarioMario456

• Type: Schizocow
• Milkable Part: sending unjustified personal attacks to wiki editors
• Frequents: Encyclopedia Dramatica
• See it in action

SmallAnt / Smant

• Type: Horrorcow
• Milkable Parts: making games near-impossible instead of buying games with more difficulty, then whining when people troll it; missing the points of the games it does play
• Frequent: YouTube and Discord
• See it in action: Watch through Invidious to avoid giving ad revenue

Eris Ray / UltimateDSfan / UltimateDSEris / ultimate_eris / UltimateHellscape

• Type: Horrorcow
• Milkable Parts: emotionally abusive crybullying, racism towards itself, blatant attraction to minors, missing the points of the games it plays, frivolous spending
• Frequents: YouTube and Twitter
• See it in action

Why you should not dogpile cows

More views could encourage them to stagnate

Some cows' works are monetized, so many views could be translated to barrels of money that they will most likely waste.

Professionals will wrangle them

Many workplaces and post-secondary schools blacklist candidates for poor behavior. If a cow violates a law, authorities can neutralize it.

Most cows will never learn their lessons, no matter what they read or hear

Closed-mindedness is a common flaw among cows. Before you attempt to persuade one, ask yourself the following questions:

• Is the cow willing to improve, though not able? If so, it is not as capable as you thought.
• Is the cow able to improve, though not willing? If so, it is not as well-intentioned as you thought.
• Is the cow willing and able to improve? If so, why is it still funny?
• Is the cow neither willing nor able to improve? If so, why does it deserve your attention?