Don't Buy Cheap Dairy


Recently I made a trip to my local grocery with the intent of buying a gallon of milk. I walked up to the milk section and looked at the many gallons of milk they had. They had gallon after gallon of fat free (skim), 1%, 2%, Vitamin D (whole, I guess people didn't exactly like the idea of WHOLE milk) and I am forced to make a decision. Now this is not the difficult part of the decision because I knew that I wanted to buy 1% milk. I feel that it is not as watery and flavorless as skim (fat free for the PC) and not as fatty (plump) as 2%; a good middle ground. Now that I have established this, I must choose between four different brands of milk.

Decision time. This is the tricky part: the gallons are all priced differently. One is $1.49, two are $1.39 and one is $1.29. My gut reaction is to choose the $1.29 one because I am a college student and that dime could be used for something, possibly a gumball. Then I begin thinking, "why is this milk cheaper than the other three brands? Does that company buy the gangly cows? Are their cows not actually dairy cows and some other kind of cow instead? I realized that there is some reason why it is cheaper and I don't really want to find out. So I defer to the title of this essay: don't buy cheap dairy. Gum balls are good, but is not worth an onslaught of (if you are weak, do not read the next word) diahrea.

This theory carries over for all dairy products, not just milk. Eggs: do the cheaper ones have a little bit bigger fetus? do you want to find out? Yogurt: It is a mold to start with, don't take chances. Cheese: What is really in President's Choice American Cheese? Sour Cream: Similar to yogurt, it is already sour regardless of which brand you buy so I suggest buying the least sour sour cream. There is just one exception: ice cream. Ice cream is straight out of heaven and you should take it however you can get it, even if it means wet poopie.

So I think ya'll get the point by now. But I will let you know that I did buy the $1.39 one because I like to live life dangerously. Rawr.


Matty Jacobs
December 12th