Somewhere Out There
Volume 1 Issue 1 April 2022
Debut Edition

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Save Uzaki Chan From the Whiny Butts
By Matthew Martinez

Uzaki-Chan Wants to Hang Out, created by artist Takashi
Aoshima (stylized Take), is a manga first published in
July 2018.* The story features extrovert Hana (Uzaki-chan)
and her adventures with her former Swim Coach introvert
Shinichi Sakurai (Senpai). Uzaki-chan wants her Senpai
to be more outgoing. From far away places like Tottori,
Japan, Strange-To-America places like a Cat Cafe, to
mundane places like a technology store, the optometrist,
and even the coffee shop where Senpai works, Hana will go
to any lengths to achieve her goal, much to Senpai's
annoyance. There's just two particular things about
Uzaki-chan: Her "Upper Frontals", emphasized by the
shirt she wears with the Japanese phrase Sugoi Dekai,
or "So Big!". (Source:
Her bust size has drawn criticism from Uzaki-chan's
homeland of Japan due to the Japanese Red Cross Blood
Drive campaign in 2019. The campaign features a modified
cover of Volume 3, which has Uzaki-chan wearing her work
clothes, with a text bubble with the following, translated
from Japanese: "Senpai! Have you not yet given blood?
Or perhaps... are you afraid of needles?"
Now, breast size is supposed to arouse my libido because
I'm a man (a monster, if you will). At least that's what
some feminists and their male sympathizers on social media
say. As mentioned, I have read the first six volumes of the
manga, and have seen the anime's first season. Senpai has
accidentally grabbed both of Uzaki-chan's breasts, each on
separate occasions while blindfolded, and female characters
featured in the manga have been scantily dressed in the front,
back, and between chapters and pages of the manga. But I
personally feel that Uzaki-chan herself is not over sexualized.
The outrage comes from female twitter accounts criticizing
Uzaki-chan's character design. While some users demand the
series' cancellation, others have redrawn Uzaki-chan so she
looks "Realistic". Of course, there's also a group of men who
go along with some of the ladies complaints in hopes of scoring
a date, or some other type of affair, so they just parrot, or
put down whoever presents a differing opinion. We'll call the
people who are upset about the character design "Whiny-Butts".
Although they are few, they are rather vocal. Although people
have a right to their own opinion, these feminists are
contradicting themselves if they truly believe in "body positivity".
If they believe a woman should be happy and confident in their body,
then they should think twice about if a series should be cancelled
based on the character on the outside, rather than the story told
on the inside.
*Although Volume 1 of the manga collection debuted in July 2018,
Uzaki-Chan wa Asobitai! was first published in comic form online
via NicoNico in December 2017.

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A Note From the Editor

Where did the name of this publication come from? My birth mother
gave it to me in a letter she wrote to me some time after I was
adopted by my parents in 1991. This song was written by James
Horner, Barry Mann, and Cynthia Weil; and was performed by Linda
Ronstadt and James Ingram for the 1986 film An American Tail. The
lyrics, and the film, deal with two estranged people (mice in the
film) who hope to be reunited some day...
"...somewhere out there, Out where dreams come true"
It is a beautiful song that I only listened to THIRTY YEARS LATER
because I was looking through my chest of drawers and came across
the letters my birthmother sent in my infancy. After listening to
the song a few times, I felt myself getting choked up during the
guitar bridge (performed by Bob Mann), but for the rest of the song,
I found myself singing along to James Ingram's parts. Perhaps
it's because I fancy myself a baritone too.
I left my mother's arms on April 11, 1991 and was flown from Dallas
to San Antonio to live with the Martinez family of Eva and Benny Ray
(BR for short). Up until 1994, my mother sent letters sending love
and well wishes for me, and giving my parents an update on her status.
The only reason we lost contact soon after was because I started going
to school, and that took up all of my time until I graduated college
in 2018. Three years later, I found her letters in my drawer, where
I knew I left them, and I started reading them, and one of the letters
mentioned Somewhere Out There as the song my mother picked out for
me before I was delivered to my adopted parents. As of the writing
of this article, I have yet to contact my birth mother, but I plan
to contact her soon, so somewhere out there, a mother will (hopefully)
look forward to reuniting with her son, and that son will DEFINITELY
be looking forward to reuniting with his mother.
-Matthew Martinez

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Arnold Palmer

1 cup Unsweet Tea
2 cups Lemonade<
Fill an empty glass with ice. Pour the unsweet tea in the empty
glass, followed by the lemonade. Stir if desired. Do not use sweet
tea due to the additional sugar levels. Adjust recipe to cup size.
Switch measurements and add an additional cup of tea if you enjoy
Mr. Palmer's preferred recipe.
Best enjoyed outside, inside if you are editing videos, or with popcorn.

Happy 40th Anniversary to Late Night with David Letterman!
The most KEEN show in the world, ever!

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Concentration with Jack Narz
A Chill Game Show

In March of 2020, Fremantle's Buzzr network started airing episodes
of the classic game show Concentration starring veteran game show
host Jack Narz. Contestants try to match two pairs of prizes contained
on a 30 square board. Underneath the prizes, two parts of the rebus
puzzle are exposed and the contestant in control gets to solve the puzzle.
If successful, the contestant gets a chance to solve two more rebus puzzles;
one for $100, the other for the car. Other prizes were added to the mix
during the final year of the show's run. A handful of episodes were
uploaded to YouTube in the years prior to Buzzr adding the show to the
primetime lineup. So I had a general idea of how the show worked. But
as I started watching and recording the show, I noticed a feeling inside
that I don't usually get when watching Wheel of Fortune, which aired
opposite Concentration on San Antonio's CBS affiliate. Instead of being
involved in watching as someone watching sports, I instead felt myself
trying to remember where the prizes were as well as trying to solve the
rebus puzzle before the contestant. I found this to be relaxing as a
result. I would often save my excitement for when someone clears the
board of all the prizes and solves the puzzle, or when someone wins the
car in the "Double Play" bonus round. Not too many people win the car
in the season Buzzr is airing. I, personally, also find the music
played while announcer Johnny Olson describes the prizes relaxing as
well. I would classify the Edd Kalehoff composed music cues as Jazz
Fusion, although I could be mistaken. Since this specific program aired
in the 70s, some of the more up tempo pieces have a bit of a funky edge
to them. Jack Narz does a great job hosting Concentration. He doesn't
become overly excited as some modern game show hosts sometimes do, but
he does radiate a positive energy that reflects on the contestants.
My whole family enjoys watching this version of Concentration, including
my two cats. My mom and dad both enjoy trying to solve the puzzle before
the contestants, and my cats love it when cat food is offered as a prize.
Some may find this version of Concentration boring, but I feel that this
flows at a slow enough pace so that a knucklehead like me can follow along.

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Big Bam Boom by Daryl Hall and John Oates
"It's Thursday mah dudes!"

In October 1984, Daryl Hall and John Oates added this album to their slew
of money printing albums. Starting off with Dance On Your Knees, and segueing
into the zenith of popular music Out of Touch (which is one of my favorite
songs of all time), the listener should realize a party is about to start and
one best brush off their dance moves before listening to the rest of the album.
The next track M-E-T-H-O-D O-F (Modern) L-O-V-E continues to treat the listener
to a beat that could best be described in one word: FIRE! Bank on Your Love is
a departure from the rest of the album because, to my ears at least, there is
some country influence; perhaps it stems from the lyrics. Side A closes with
the another one of my favorite songs of all time Some Things are Better Left
Unsaid. The beat feels good, the melodies sound divine, and Daryl's voice
sounds increasingly powerful as the song progresses. I recommend seeking out
the live version of this song performed at Liberty Park, New Jersey on
July 4, 1985. Side B opens with Going Through the Motions. Although a deep
cut, this song takes drummer Mickey Curry's bumping beat, tosses in G.E. Smith
and Oates' "Electric" guitar sound, blends T. Bone Wolk's wicked bass licks,
mixes Charlie "Mr. Casual" DeChant's powerful saxophone performance, and combines
all that with Hall's outstanding lyrics and vocals and serves up a cornucopia of
sound that should have been another hit. However, it was used as a powerful
closer during the subsequent tour. Cold, Dark, and Yesterday is a haunting song
that sends chills down my spine every time I hear the melody. In my opinion, the
only downside to this song is that the lyrics outside of the chorus all deal with
hot the person feels. All American Girl features lyrics that, again, are not
the best in my view. I don't see how the "All American Girl" gets what she wants.
Why limit it to just America? Is it the freedom? I do get a kick out John dropping
rhymes halfway through the song, and of the lyrics, the ones during this part are
my favorite. The album ends with Possession Obsession. Another haunting song that
has a more inner city type of attitude and structure to the lyrics and melody.
It ends with the band snapping their fingers in time to the beat as they fade out
into the distance of the inner city. I actually had a dream about the live version
of this song. I dreamt I was singing this song onboard a boat with two back up
dancers and we were heavily influenced by Michael Jackson by means of dancing
and not the "OTHER" thing.
This album is a fitting send off to this period of Daryl and John's career.
This was the last album for RCA, and outside of bassist T. Bone Wolk, the rest of
the lineup during this time would move on to other projects. G.E. Smith would lead
the Saturday Night Live Band. Mickey Curry joined Bryan Adams' band following the
tour, although he would be featured on the 2003 H&O album Do it for Love. Charlie
DeChant would rejoin for the 1990 album Change of Season. Big Bam Boom is my favorite
Daryl Hall and John Oates album because the songs fill me with such joy when I listen
to them, and when I'm alone, I often find myself singing along to most of the songs
on the album.

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Kitty Corner

Dear Hooman,
Dood keepz on working on this stupid thing instead of petting me and feeding me when
I want to be eat! Tell Dood I require moar petting and feeding and less tap tap tapping
on his- Top of his Lap, or whatever he calls it. Thanks for reading this, because I can't.

Dear Other Hoomanz,
Many moon ago, I met some long nosed kitties and they were fun! We played a lot, and I got
to meet the mama. But the hoomanz kept telling me that they stinky and not allowed in the
backyard, which is silly! Tell hooman to bring back my long nosed kitty friends, and tell
hooman I iz hungy too!
-Princess Kinzie

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Gotta Catch Some Rays!

Pokemon Sun (and Moon) was released for the Nintendo 3DS on November 18 2016 in the US.
You explore and attempt to capture Pokemon on the Alolan Islands all the while participating
in Island Challenges, and competing in Grand Trials against the Four Kahunas:
Hala on Mele Mele Island
Olivia on Akala Island
Nanu on Ula'Ula Island
Along the way, you'll meet a street gang made up of (AHEM) "Mentally Challenged" individuals
calling themselves Team Skull. Their leader, Guzma, has to take my award for the "Trainer" I
had the most fun defeating while laughing at how ridiculous him and his crew act and appear.
They may look tough, and act hard in their own minds, but anyone who is from the streets or
spent time in prison will quickly grow tired of seeing this batch of knuckleheads. The good
news is that usually, a trainer can wrap up a battle with these goofs in relatively quick
fashion. Then there's HAU, Kahuna Hala's grandson, and your rival. He's a nice kid, and takes
care of his Pokemon, but OI VEY! To me, Hau sometimes picks the most inopportune moments to
battle you. After you leave the Aether Foundation, you're enjoying a boat ride with Hau destined
for Ula'Ula Island. Upon arrival, and after leaving the port, Hau takes THAT SPECIFIC OPPORTUNITY
to challenge you to a battle! As I was playing, I sit there and go "My boy! You couldn't have
battled me BEFORE we left?" Of course this is just me saying this in my head and I have no idea
where at Aether Paradise or near whatever port they are coming from that would be suitable for
battle. He means well though. You will also find visual and move type differences in Pokemon
you might have encountered in previous games. The game accounts this to the Alolan climate and
environment. I feel that the designers wanted to shake things up in this generation of Pokemon.
To me, it felt refreshing encountering Island challenges and Grand Trials instead of Gyms and
collecting badges. I felt a connection to the characters in this game that I didn't have in some
of the previous games. Perhaps it's because the tropical climate and the native culture appealed
to me. Perhaps I just need to vacuum out the sand in the backseat of my car, and get the sand out
of my sneakers.

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Next Issue: My Wheel of Fortune Obsession,
Journey going their "Separate Ways",
and Discovering Ye Olden Web

"Somewhere Out There"
Published By:
Candy Bar Cheese Press
eMail me Here

Text of Somewhere Out There Belongs to Matthew Martinez

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