Oglaf
The more you say ‘epic’ the less it means
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The individual can be divided. But it’s not pretty.
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Many parts of my body are still virgins.
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People who choose not to stay at home and masturbate constantly - what’s with them?
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Is there a difference between ‘dick jokes’ and ‘jokes featuring dicks?’
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Balancing hope for a better world against the desire to fuck everything.
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The internet - like a training camp for never amounting to anything.
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Sperm count down but sperm size up. I think they’ve been eating each other.
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I feel part responsible for the mess you made in my pants.
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Sooner or later we’re going to have to stop calling them ‘novels.’
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Anything more than 500 years old - probably evil.
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Highball glasses - why are they called that?
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More griping from the disenchanted forest.
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When a song mentions ‘arms’ I like to shout ‘vagina.’
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The penis: if it’s not evil, why did they get H.R. Giger to design it?
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You’d be surprised how many penises there are in ‘lost property.’
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Making man-pesto with the meat pestle
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I’ve stooped so low I can’t reach your tits.
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Tasteful, moody portraits of cocks with googly eyes.
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All models are over 18. Or over 21 where required by law.
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Some day, this very moment might feature in a flashback.
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‘Hot’ as a synonym for ‘sexy’ is less common from people who’ve been on fire.
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Technically, you never stop touching yourself.
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Compare pornography now to 50 years ago, then extrapolate 50 years into the future. … that shit’s nasty.
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Careful where you point that.
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Show us your pink bits. Not that I’m racist.
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Not from round here, depending on how big ‘round’ is.
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You’ve got that look in your eye. But then I’d hardly expect to see it in your mouth.
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DIY for those without tools.
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Don’t punish me for loving you. That’s the court’s job.
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I think ‘erotica’ just means ‘porn that works for me.’
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Think of it as juicing an ugly fruit.
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“Don’t forget the message.” … uh, no, wait. That wasn’t the message.
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To all the girls I’ve loved before, and the boys I loved after.
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Looking for a God that won’t discriminate by creed.
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Am I too anal about sex?
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No way will I give peace a chance. Not after how it left the place last time.
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I was an angry loner before it was popular.
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I’m not saying you read too many webcomics. Just that it’s possible to.
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Some days, your cock just seems to stare at you.
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Recumbent yet erect.
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Educational in ways you can’t use. Just like trigonometry.
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Love conquers anything. Up to a point.
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Presumably Spiderman’s semen is very sticky indeed.
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Celebrating those happy moments when the penis is an internal organ.
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The mustard burns a bit, but it accentuates my resemblance to ham.
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Cumsprite!
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It’s not really escapism, is it? It’s like day leave at best.
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Whatever you look at while you masturbate is porn. The bedroom ceiling, for instance.
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Don’t fear God’s love. He hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant in 2000 years.
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I’ve still got plenty of ribs, God. Make more women!
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Ships get called ‘she.’ But I bet torpedoes don’t.
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I have a secret. A dark, furry secret with big teeth. Less a secret, really - more a bear.
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I don’t mean to disrespect the dead, but if alive, that guy’s a cunt.
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