SlashSigs, Greatest Hits
Giving angry mobs something to do since 1998!
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“Smokey, this is not ‘Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.” -Walter Sobchak
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When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
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Telepathetic (adj.); Being such a loser that you can be spotted a mile away.
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.
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If you were me, you’d be good lookin'. - six string samurai
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“Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.” – Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.
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“Provided by the management for your protection.”
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Death to all who oppose–oh, look! A bunny!
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What does not kill me just postpones the inevitable.
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It’s survival of the fittest…and we got the fucking guns!!!
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“Son, in a sporting event, it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how drunk you get” - Homer J. Simpson
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Always remember to pillage before you burn.
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I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
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This space unintentionally left unblank.
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All fumbs and no thingers.
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“Then eMpTyVee came along, and gave me the attention span of a ferret, and I didn’t care any more.” - Wil Wheaton
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start of tether [—————-|–] end of tether
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He who laughs last thinks slowest!
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I take your 2c, now you senseless!!! HA! HA! HA! Old Hong Kong Joke!
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“The trouble with the global village are all the global village idiots”
- Paul Ginsparg
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“The only way to make music that cannot be copied is to make music that cannot be heard.” - Gene Kan
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Canadian Bred with American Buttering
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The entertainment industry has been brought to you by the letters F and U
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The copyright on this (pseudonymous) post will expire on January 1st 2099, unless copyright gets extended again.
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I wish I could hear the soundtrack to my life. That way I’d know when to duck.
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Shoes. The other white meat.
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Frito Lay. Proud sponsor of the munchies since 1932.
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Reunite Pangea!
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To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target
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It’s a poodle. Put it on delicate.
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I have a dream! That one day, a pizza WILL BE delivered that IS cut all the way through! Free at last!
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Cantankerous old coot since 1964
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Value: the part of a product that’s manufactured by the marketing department.
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Idiots, Every single one of YOU, A flaming mass of conglomerated morons, hey wait a second, isnt that how RAID works?
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“Legs feed the wolf.” – Russian proverb
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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
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All you really need us WD40 and duct tape. If it should move and it doesn’t use WD40; If it moves and it shouldn’t use duct tape.
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You’re too stupid to be offended by this.
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“Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?”
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Who’s got the whiteout?
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I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum. - Roddy Piper, “They Live”
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Repeat after me, we are all individuals
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If unsure, say Y
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“We’re not french kissing, we’re freedom kissing.”
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If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you
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What do Monkeys Spank?
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Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… ‘cept the weasel.
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“I may be superficial, but you’re fat.”
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This has been a test. Had this been a real emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed
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Carpe Scrotum - The only way to deal with your competition.
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“Lawyers are for sucks.” - Doug McKenzie
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I no longer fear Hell, because I know Satan will just put me in my office and unleash an unending barrage of stupidity.
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Hard work often pays off after time. But laziness always pays off now.
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“America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.” - Oscar Wilde
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“I’m tired of all this ‘Aren’t humanity great’ bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes” - Bill Hicks
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Fact: Beginning a statement with “Fact:” does not itself, in fact, make the statement fact
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If you’re not on somebody’s shit list, you’re not doing anything worthwhile.
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When life gives you crap, Make Crapade
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Hi. This is my friend, Jack Shit, and you don’t know him.-Lord Kano
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“Which way do I leave from?” “Here at Harvard, we don’t use prepositions to end our sentences.” “Alright. Which way do I leave from, asshole?”
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deputy dog dog a ding dang dipa dipa dee
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Marge, get me my address book, 4 beers, and my conversation hat.
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When I die I want to go just like my grandfather, in his sleep, not screaming like the other people in the car
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If all you have are silver bullets, everything looks like a werewolf
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“When the atomic bomb goes off there’s devastation…but when the atomic bong goes off there’s celebraaaaation!”
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i ate crayons when i was a kid and now i have two braincells and the blue ones taste nicer
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Nothing says “unprofessional job” like wrinkles in your duct tape.
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A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows. – Chamfort
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Be Alert! The internet needs more lerts.
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Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life. – Dave Butler
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Behind every great woman… Is a man checking out her ass
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‘I think it’s wrong that the game Monopoly is made by only one company.’ - Steven Wright
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Prepare for a pride obliterating bitch slap
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Lysdexics of the world Untie!!!!
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They don’t grade fathers, but if your daughter’s a stripper, you fucked up. –Chris Rock
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Ditzy Chinese chick: So, I went on this job interview with this law firm, right? And this lawyer who was interviewing me was really cute, ya know? So at the end of the interview he stood up, and I wasn’t sure what to say so I said, ‘Well, I don’t know whether you’re going to hire me or not, but I’d really like to fuck you.’ So he came to my apartment after work and fucked me. Then I get a letter two days later telling me I didn’t get the fucking job! Do you think that’s sexual harassment?
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I work for the Department of Redundancy Department.
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Verbogeny is one of the pleasurettes of a creatific thinkerizer. (Peter da Silva)
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If wishes were ponies beggars would ride
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If you aren’t part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem
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“Champagne for my real friends - and real pain for my sham friends!”
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A rose by any other name would smell as sweet; A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell
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Black holes are where God divided by zero - Steven Wright
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Cult: (n) a small, unpopular religion./Religion: (n) a large, popular cult
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“That which we win cheaply, we esteem lightly.” - Thomas Paine
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Cypherpunks: Civil Liberty Through Complex Mathematics. Those who live by the sword die by the arrow.
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Go, trade liberty for safety, but you might not have needed the safety if you’d shared your liberty to begin with.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.–Henry David Thoreau
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Anyone can act smart, but it takes a smart person to act stupid.
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The world is run by idiots because they’re more efficient than hamsters.
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“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act” – George Orwell
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All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
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“The truth is that men are tired of liberty.” – Benito Mussolini.
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“Enlightenment is your ego’s biggest disappointment.” –Yoginanda
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A crank is a little thing that makes revolutions
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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.” – Albert Einstein
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Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggie” whilst looking for a rock
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The easiest way to get shot is to carry a gun – Atticus Finch
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I do not know what WW3 will be fought with,but I know what WW4 will be fought with: sticks and stones - Einstein
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Even if a man chops off your hand with a sword, you still have two nice, sharp bones to stick in his eyes.
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them. -Albert Einstein
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I swear to God I am an Atheist.
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“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” - Albert Einstein
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“Power corrupts and absolute power is actually pretty neat.” (Tom Clancy. The Bear And The Dragon.)
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Your brain is not just a blood cooling system
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“It is a besetting vice of democracies to substitute public opinion for law.” - James Fenimore Cooper
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Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken- Tyler Durden
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For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. – H L Mencken
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. –Edmund Burke
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Wit is educated insolence. – Aristotle
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Give a man a fish, he owes you one fish./ Teach a man to fish, you give up your monopoly on fisheries.
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“Who’s more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?”
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Creativity - The sudden cessation of stupidity.
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Consume! Obey! We love the USA!!!
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“Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.” – Vince Lombardi, football coach
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I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. – Alexandre Dumas, fils
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The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants. -Jefferson
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Don’t be afraid to try something yourself. Remember amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic
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Less Warring! More Whoring!
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Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. -Blaise Pascal, philosopher
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cheezus_es_lard
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
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Capitalism: unequal distribution of wealth / Socialism: equal distribution of poverty
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“Freedom Fries” isn’t patriotism, it’s jingoism
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans about geography. – Ambrose Bierce
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A chess master once told me: “Never neglect the obvious. Usually it’s obvious because it’s right.”
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After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box. – Italian proverb
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Fascism:Extreme right-wing dictatorial government,belligerently nationalist,that merges state and business leadership
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. -Xenocrates
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Cole’s Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing.
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The world is watching America, and America is watching TV
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If I wanted easy I wouldn’t be an engineer or a patriot.
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. – William James
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“Satan for president – why settle for the lesser of two evils.”
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Economics: the overeducated in pursuit of the unknowable" (Robert Solow).
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Politicians, like diapers, have to be changed frequently - and for the very same reason. Anonymous
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Government of the people, by corporate executives, for corporate profits.
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A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election
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History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it - Sir Winston Churchill
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There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order. Starting now.
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If we don’t believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don’t believe in it at all. -Chomsky
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Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what’s for dinner."
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I’ve found the loophole in democracy. It’s stupid people. Vast masses of stupid people.
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God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
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“There is no reason to attempt such a feat of idiocy, other than the fact that some people, which is to say some people like me, have a need to search the depths of their stamina for self-definition. It’s a contest in purposeless suffering.” –Lance Armstrong
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Computer are useless: they can only give you answers. - Pablo Picasso
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We sleep peaceably in our beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on our behalf.
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If I seem short sighted, it is because I stand on the shoulders of midgets
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When in Rome we shall do as the Romans, when in Hell we do shots at the bar. –ETID
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All editorial writers ever do is come down from the hill after the battle is over and shoot the wounded.
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Marxism is the opiate of dumbasses
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No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Winston Churchill
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Record oil profits reported. Luckily I can warm my house with the smoldering remains of the Constitution
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No country is more than three meals away from a revolution.
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life, n: The whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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When God hates all the same people you do, its a sign you’ve created Him in your own image.
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Life is just nature’s way of keeping meat fresh.
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“We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.”
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Old Chinese Proverb: The man who does not make mistakes usually does not make anything.
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Civil Disobedience, it’s not just a good idea, it’s illegal.
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To be is to do = Immanuel Kant To do is to be = Descartes. Do be do be do = Frank Sinatra
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Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
-- Seneca
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Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
– H.L. Mencken %
Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d' encule de ta mere
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fundamentalism (n.): fund = give cash to; amentalism = brainlessness
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Violence is like duct tape. If it doesn’t solve the problem, you didn’t use enough
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A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. – Mark Twain
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I knew it was getting fucking cold in here. –Satan
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People who need govt to enforce their religion must not have much faith in the power of its message.
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me forty three times, shame on your strategy guide ($14.99+tax).
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The Internet treats censorship as damage and routes around it.
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Disclaimer: This poster rides the short bus AND wears the helmet.
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When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins and then run around the mall looking frantic.
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Science flies people to the moon, but religion flies them into buildings.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
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(((:~(> – The Prophet Mohammed. Ha, an image of him at last!
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Ankh is you love Isis
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When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a Communist
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Everybody gets what the majority deserves.
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Toddlers are the Storm Troopers of the Lord of Entropy
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“Don’t worry,” said the trees when they saw the axe coming, “The handle is one of us.”
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1984 was not supposed to be an instruction manual.
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Brawndo – It mutilates your thirst, buries it in the crawlspace, and tells the neighbors it left town.
Brawndo – If you’re not drinking it, the guy banging your wife probably is.
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You’ll never have experience until after you needed it.
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Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
-- Senator Soaper
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( ) ( ) _ ) ( _ (\ ) (_))
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You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.
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I’ll see your senator and raise you two judges.
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Ignorance is innocence–stupidity comes with experience.
-- Amos Bronson
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You’re Special forces then? That’s great! I just love your Olympics!
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Keep your god out of our government and I’ll keep my unicorns out of your church.
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Give a man a mask and he will show his true face. - Oscar Wilde
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I’ve got poopheimers. That’s where you forget shit.
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Reasonable men adapt to the world around them; unreasonable men make the world adapt to them. The world is changed by unreasonable men.
-- Edwin Louis Cole
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You may think me a tired, old, cynic. I’d have to disagree about the tired bit.
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Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.
-- T.S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion"
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The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club
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In a consumer society there are inevitably two kinds of slaves: the prisoners of addiction and the prisoners of envy.
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The mind just boggles at how incredibly futile it is going to be googling for help on an app called ‘Software’. I think the gnome guys have gone from mild contempt for the user to rabid hate and fury. Amazing.
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I am a lawyer and this constitutes legal advice and I shall indemnify you against any losses arising from taking it.
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Let’s see: a white cat on a white, fur blanket. Too much luxury in this photo. I feel like I’m wearing silk panties just looking at it.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to get selfish, ignorant leaders.
-- George Carlin
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Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
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By the way, I think you might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen outside the pages of a really filthy magazine
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and I’m wearing MilkBone underwear. – Norm Peterson, Cheers
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Be circumspect in your liaisons with women. It is better to be seen at the opera with a man than at mass with a woman. – De Maintenon
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Goldbonds: You’ve never enjoyed the luxury of dusting your nuts with this? Just rub a little on the sides of your balls and leg where they rub together, and give the taint a pat. No swassy balls, ever. Feel the breeze of a thousand hot girls breathing cool mountain air on your balls all day, my friends.
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I love Jesus, except for his foreign policy.
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It’s the good girls who keep the diaries, the bad girls never have the time.
-- Tallulah Bankhead
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